Thoughtless

I was locked in a small room, crowded with people - Men, women, and children. A small room, of about 60sft, stuffed with about 50 people in it.

There was a man wearing a torn shirt with a stained pair of trousers, a woman wearing a tattered sari, a small kid with his shoe-polishing kit and with shoe-polish all over his body, and a lot of shoe-sole prints on his white-turned-yellow shirt, a little girl, just wearing a small ‘chaddi’ and a stained smile…

I could feel their bodies, pressing against mine. Everyone in the room, gasping for breath… as there was only limited air to be inhaled and everyone wanted their share. I was inhaling the air exhaled by the man standing right in front of me. Borrowed living.

I was beginning to feel suffocated and wanted to rush to the door and open it. Pursuing my game plan I began to move towards the door, slowly, pushing everyone I could, squeezing through everyone I couldn’t.

Something changed. As I tried to walk towards the door, I felt nothing. No bodies, no exhaled carbon dioxide… nothing. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I could still see everyone, wearing the same clothes and the same attitude and the same expression. But my movement was not restricted by their presence. Their bodies were not occupying any space. Perplexed and lost, I had finally managed to reach the door. But alas, it didn’t have a knob or a latch.

I was shattered. I thought each one of them would be smiling at my futile attempt, but I was wrong. They were all staring at me in the same expressionless manner. But just when I was beginning to feel choked, I realized, there was no door… I just had to walk away from the human cluster. And that’s what I did, walked through the door, looking back at all of them, feeling free and isolated.

The feeling of suffocation had left me and I could breathe; and feel and enjoy the freedom. But it didn’t last too long. As I turned my face away from them I saw someone standing right in front of me, dressed in black, smiling at me. It wasn’t a stained smile. It was clean, healthy and humane.

As I moved through him, I realized they were all human beings. They weren’t my thoughts. I was their thought. They existed. I didn’t.

I was just a thought.