Just inches

She could feel the early morning breeze, blowing from the window, caressing the soft skin of her back. She was still very sleepy. Her eyelids refused to move. She wanted to get up and draw the curtains over the window, but the sleep running through her veins and nerves was drugging her.

She drew the white sheet over her naked body, gathered herself up and managed to leave the warmth of the bed and moved towards the window. The sleep was anaesthetic. She barely managed to draw the curtains, returned to the bed and threw herself lazily in its warmth. Her mind was at peace. No thoughts. No illusions. No memories.

The white sheet still hugging her body, she turned her back to the window again. Just when she was drifting into the realms of sleep… she felt him. His hand was making love to her back. The soft skin on her back already felt sedated by the touch. The finger tracing her spine, up and down, again and again, made her heart race. She wanted to turn and face him, but she was afraid, afraid that the sedation would end. She felt the soft roughness of his palms now. The palm covered a larger area on her back than his finger… she could feel the restlessness in his hands. She could feel his pulse racing. She wanted to get seduced. She was getting seduced. The sleepiness was beginning to mingle with the seduction. She wanted to feel his hands all over her body… all over her skin. She realized she was breathing faster. Reluctantly she moved an inch away from him and it all stopped… for an eternity. She waited. She wanted to feel his hand… his warmth. It didn’t happen. She felt empty. She repented moving away. From the love… the seduction… the sedation. The sleep in her eyes was getting moist. She wanted to cry. She wanted to correct her mistake. To undo her faults. To change her past. She wanted to turn and hug him and say sorry to him. She wanted to feel his lips against hers. She cried.

She cried. She cried. She cried. She cried. She cried.

When you are too close to love, you are scared. You know it’s going to end. You know you don’t deserve to be blessed. With love. You start believing in the fact that you cannot be happy so much that it starts happening. Because, you make it happen. You pull yourself away from it so that it becomes easier for you to handle its end. Because you believe it’s going to end.

All your life you were scared you would never find true love, when you find it, you are too scared it would end. You never change. You remain insecure.

Our belief in the bad is stronger than our faith in the good. And strong emotions always win. It would end. It will end. It’s going to end. It’s ending. It’d ended. It ends.

She looked for him restlessly, guiltily; lovingly… she didn’t find him. She wanted one more chance, to express her love, to cry in his arms, to hug him and say sorry. She wanted to tell him she was just inches away from him. Just inches.