Yada Yada hi dharmasya

The land where Bala saheb, Dawood Ibrahim and Harshad mehta were born.

Date: 05/05/06
Time: 6pm to 8pm
Category: Non-fiction

Note: The scene is set in mumbai. and all the names of the palces are real.

Location 1: Prabhadevi (A place in mumbai)

I walked out of my office a little early as I had to meet someone at Churchgate. The guy I was meeting was a DJ and he plays in weddings. A very urban trend of the very old tradition of ‘sangeet’. And well I was writing the script for the entire Shaadi skit. Wow.

No cab was ready to take me to Elphinstone station, from where I was taking a train to Churchgate. After trying my luck with at least ten selfish cab drivers, I finally asked the cab guy standing right next to me [whom I had asked already]. He said no one will go as there will be a lot of traffic on the fly over. Then he suggested, “Taxi ko haath dikhane ka, darwaaza kholne ka, bhaith jaane ka. Poochne ka nahi.” I decided to take his advice. For the first time. I reached Elphinstone station in 10 mins flat.

I have a seasons’ pass for the first class from Goregaon to Lower Parel [one station away from the Elphinstone st.]. I took a journey extension ticket from the counter for the second class. The man at the counter said smiling “Jaana bhi second class mein, aana bhi second class mein Lower Parel tak” I smiled and said yes again. I took his advice. Again.

As I reached the decided place the DJ was patiently waiting for me on his bike. On our ride to the ‘clients’ place he briefed me about ‘the right questions’. The main objective of the entire meeting was ‘to get a feel of the entire thing’ and ‘to know the likes and dislikes of the people of both the families’. The only message that I got from the entire meeting was this: People in business take the name of ‘Shri Harshad Mehta’ with far more pride than that of ‘Gandhi’. After a long chat, rather a lecture from him, we left and ‘I had gotten the complete feel’.

I took a Borivli Fast from the Churchgate station. Just to remind you that at the ‘prime time’ or the ‘rush hour’ I was in the second class compartment of a fast train going to Borivli. The train was quiet empty and I asked the man standing next to me whether the train would stop at Goregaon or not, as it was a fast train. I asked the question in Hindi and the man replied in English, “Yeah it stops. It become a slow train after Andheri”.
We struck a conversation. He asked me where I am from and what do I do and many more questions. He told me how Punjabi people, in weddings, hand out bottles of whisky at the entrance of the marriage hall. After a formal farewell, he got down at Dadar. Thank God.

The journey:

The compartment was jam packed. The most of the conversation happening around me was in Hindi, which was very pleasing to the ear.

One man: Bhai yeh Bhayandar ki gaadi hai na?
Answer: Nahi kaka Borivli hai.
The man standing next to me was already giggling.
The same question was repeated. This time it was tossed at me. I shot the same answer at him. Now the man standing next to me couldn’t stop himself. He asked the same man, “Uncle Bhayandar ki gaadi hai na ye”. The way this young chap was giggling, the uncle knew that he was being made fun of. After a little more fun and frolic the man got down at Andheri.

The fun:

3 men around me. One, a little middle aged, the other 2, the same funny guys who were making fun of the uncle. I was wearing a yellow kurta with some Sanskrit script scribbled over it. The written thing made no sense as the words were written in that way. I noticed that the middle aged guy was desperately trying to read it and make sense out of it. I told him, “Do saal se to main pehen raha hoon par padh nahi paya, to aap kaise padhoge?”
He replied, “Haan wahi koshish kar raha tha. Lagta hain Sanskrit hai.”
The 2 funny guys standing next me also joined in the conversation, “Hum bhi padhne ki koshish kiye lakin kuch nahi bhujaya”
I said in the proper slang, “Hume 2 saal mein nahi bhujaya to aapko kaise bhujayega?”
The man who was standing ahead of all of us said that he also tried to read it but couldn’t read it. He said “Ek baar ek madam ko bhi pehne dekhe thhe aisa hi kuch”. Wow, I thought, I am ‘metrosexual’.

I smiled at the innocence of the city. It’s the same city where Bala Saheb [the biggest politician India has ever seen], Dawood Ibrahim [the biggest gangster India has ever seen] and Harshad Mehta [the biggest scamster India has ever seen] were born and became famous. At the grass root level the innocence had never died. People were cramped in the compartment, but they knew how to have fun. They knew the importance of a smile. They didn’t know me, had never seen me ever before, but they were talking about my t-shirt. That’s Mumbai. I had seen both the sides in less than an hour. People who wanted to make their marriage a lifetime memory by getting the script done by ‘a professional’ and people who wanted to celebrate every moment like it was a marriage celebration.

After I got down at the Goregaon station with the entire ‘gang’, ‘I heard the middle aged man reciting behind my back ‘Yada yada hi dharmasya’. I turned and smiled at him.

As I walked away and got into the rickshaw, put my hand in the bag to check on my wallet. It was missing.