Gods Don't lie

Thats the cover of my book. the book is still under construction.

hope to finish it soon!

Catch a glimpse of the book here! very soon!

Dosti

Udte pankh pakheru si,

gote khati kaamnayein,

Swaavlambit, aatmnirbhar,

aseem, akhandit si kaamnaayein,

ek chhote se mann mein,

prati kshan ubharti naveen kaamnaayein,

Yeh sab soch raha ek pita ka mann.

Oonghti aankhon se, thami-thami saanson se,

uljhe-uljhe kadamon se chal kar,

jaane kitni himmat juta,

kitni baar, baar-baar amal kar,

anischitta ko jhel kar,

aai hogi paas mere,

te bhi socha hoga, ki kaisi man:stithi hai meri,

kaisi paristithi hai meri,

soorat par nischhalta jhalakti,

ek 'haan' ya 'na' par meri mano,

aa simta ho uska jeevan,

yeh sab soch raha ek pita ka mann.

Aakanksha par aashanka ka ghera,

prashnon par uttar ka pehra,

bina kuchh kahe aa baithi paas mere,

main agyaat sa, gum(ghum) sa thha,

“Shayad main bhi kabhi tum sa thha”

dheere se poocha, “papa aaj sunday hai na?”

maine kuchh na kaha, bas sarr hila 'haan' kar di.

“Papa aaj bahar chalein?”

Maine kuchh na kaha, bas sarr hila 'na' kar di.

Na socha uski kaamna ka,

bas swayam mein uljha sa,

uth wahan se chala gaya,

kitni laghu si kaamna,

kitna mahatvapoorn liye uske wo ek kshan,

ye sab soch raha ek pita ka mann.

Taiyyar ho ghar se nikal raha,

wahi kaamna se ot-prot si,

dekhti do nanhi aankhein

ek kalam utha aayi daudti paas mere,

le mera daayan haath, haathon mein apne,

jaane kya likh daala,

bina pade hi nikal gaya main,

shayad sochti rahi wo der tak,

ke kyun itna badal gaya main,

kyun na padh saka main,

uske nayanon ka darpan,

ye sab soch raha ek pita ka mann.

Shaam hui to ghar yaad aaya,

unhi nanhi aankhon ka darr yaad aaya,

akasmaat utha dekha daayan haath,

ab to kuchh kuchh mita sa,

par phir bhi pratyaksh,

jab dekha unn shabdon ko,

stabdh sa reh gaya main,

nayanon mein aansoo ubhar aaye,

jo saha hoga usne poore din,

maano main ek kshan mein seh gaya,

likha thha.......... “Daddy, aaj friendship day hai”

Sunday-monday poochna bahana thha,

bas usse to mujhe yaad dilaana thha,

saare kisse mein ek lupt si baat,

choo gayi antarmann ko mere,

'Poora din saath bitaane mein,

ek laghu sa lobh thha uska,

uske pita mein chhupa hua,

ek pyara sa dost thha uska'

iss laghu si upaadhi ke liye,

hai arpan mera saara jeevan,

ye sab soch raha ek pita ka mann.

Itna sankoch, itna krodh swayam par,

na aabhaas kiya thha maine,

ab to ghar pahunchne ke liye,

tatpar ho utha mera mann,

ghar pahuncha, usse saamne baitha paaya maine,

to kshama maangta sa, jab usse paas bulaya maine,

waisi hi daudti si, wo aa gale lag gayi mere,

jaise saare dosh, ek kshan mein bhool gayi mere,

ek chhoti si chocolate de,

maine kaha, “Beta, happy friendship day”,

“thank you daddy” keh,

muskuraati si god mein chadh gayi mere.

Laghu harsh khojne mein sakshamta,

kaash hum sab mein hoti,

bachhon jaisi maaf karne ki kshamta,

kaash hum sab mein hoti.

Ek pushp

“Baba, ek pushp mandir ka la do.”

Ab bhi kaanon mein tatpar se,

goonj uthte hain shabd jab,

iss sansaar ke nishthur se,

neeyam kar dete hain stabdh tab.

Inn nayanon ki moorat wo,

uski bholi si soorat wo,

nanhe-nanhe haathon ki,

nanhi-nanhi ungliyaan,

haathon se mere lipti thhi,

jeevan aur mrityu ki akalpit paheliyaan,

hriday se kab mere nipti thh.

Kya kehta ab uss se main?

Saare akshar kho gaye,

maano saari bhaavnaon par,

nukili kayi bediyan aa jhapti thhi.

Socha, tod doon ye neeyam main,

kho baitha thha saiyyam main.

Uski har shwaas bandhi bandhi si aati thhi,

aasha se ot-prot nayanon ki dori,

mushe niraasha de jaati thhi

Kahan hai tera nyay prabhu?

Kyun tu neeyam todta hai?

Kyun chheenega munni meri?

Kyun mujhe akela chhodta hai?

Hey saadhuo! Kuch karo!

Jala do ye haath mere jo jalaayenge kal uski chita,

reh kar jeevit naam maatr, kal mar jayega ek pita.

Dobara likhi jaayegi geeta,

kal usmein judega naya adhyaay prabhu.

Kahan hai tera nyaay prabhu?

Main kitna asahay, kitna nirbal hoon,

bhale hi kitna main nischhal hoon.

Jinn nayanon se neer ponch,

unhein kiya thha ashru-rahit,

jin haathon se mitti ponch,

unhein kiya thha maail-rahit

girte sambhalte, haath pakad, ungli pakad, dheere-dheere chalte,

nanhe kadamon ko de jeevan,

de ek mitti ki gudiya, radd kiya thha uska roodan.

Nanha rangeen lehenga pehna,

baitha kar kandhon par apne,

ghanton baithe ghar ki parchhatti par.

Dekhe thhe shyamal kitne sapne,

jiski nidra ki laghu jhapki ke liye,

kiye thhe maine kitne jatan,

jiske pehli baar 'baba' kehne par

bhar aaye thhe mere nayan,

ek bebasi si hoti, jab wo tutlaati si poochti...

“Baba, hum mandir kab jaayenge?”

phir main tujhse prashn karoon,

“Kahan hai tera nyaay prabhu?”

tere iss sansaar mein manushya kyun neeyam banaate hain?

Koi bataye kis aadhaar par, hum achhoot kehlaate hai?

Kabhi kabhi to vishwaas nahi aata teri iss shakti par,

kahan hai tu jab padi bediyan, teri bhi iss bhakti par?

Unhein kisne adhikaar diya ke moorti par teri wo maala chadhayein?

Hamaare to wo paair kaat den,

jo humne maatr ore teri kadam badhaye.

Kya doon a tu hi bata, uss masoom ko achhoot ka paryaay prabhu?

Kahan hai tera nyaay prabhu?

Nahi hai samay itna,

har kshan mrityu prakaashit,

uski nishchhal nanhi aankhein,

khulti, band ho jaati phir,

band ho gaye hain ab to,

unse ashru bhi gir-gir.

Jaise antarmann mein kehti,

aaj asambhav ko sambhav bana do,

phir rookhe adharon se kehti,

“Baba, ek pushp mandir ka la do”

daudta, adheer kadamon se main,

ho gaya ojhal nayanon se uske,

kuch hi kshanon mein laut,

pushp mandir ka la rakha haathon mein uske.

Antim ichha jyon poorn hui to,

nayan tyon muskura uthe,

laga jaise har ichha sampoorn hui ho.

Teri kriti ka matlab mujhko,

samjha gaya dhuan jalti chita ka,

kyun mujhe diya sainyyam itna,

kyun bada banaya hriday pita ka.

Sama gayi usmein saari peeda,

nayanon mein roodan na raha.

Ek baat par ab bhi mujhe,

poorntah sataati hai kahin,

poorn to ki antim ichha uski,

par wo satya to thha nahi.

Ho sake to kar dena kshama putri,

wo pushp mandir ka to thha nahi.

Ye na tu kehna mujh mein,

neeyam todne ka nischay nahi thha,

peedhiyon ki bedi todta par,

itna mere paas samay nahi thha.

Anyaay koi baar-baar ho sakta hai,

par nyaay jhukta nirantar nahi,

saare pushp hain ishwar ke,

doli par ho, shaiyya par ya ho mandir mein,

unmein kahin koi antar nahi.

Mandir ka pushp kuch asabhy logon ke kaaran,

mujhe aaj labhy nahi,

tujhe diya pushp eeshwar ka,

to tu hi bata kya ye satya nahi?

Kuchh aisa kar ke sansaar mein,

koi anyaay n rahe,

iss mein chhoot-achhoot ka,

koi adhyaay na rahe.

Phir na kisi marti putri ke liye,

koi asahay pita bahaana banaaye prabhu,

phir na wo tujhse pooche,

“Kahan hai tera nyaay prabhu?”

I know no one

Does anyone know me? Its not funny how many people have claimed to do that, sadly though, no one ever got it right.

I don’t think it’s a big achievement that I have managed to maintain that privacy in this otherwise interfering world. But at the same time its amazing how people live in illusions.

I think a person thinks only what he/she wants to think. Emotions are a derivative of certain facts and at a later stage a fact becomes the derivative of an emotion. How long does it take to know a person? I believe you can know a person only till the limit he wants you to know him/her. Sometimes you spend your entire life with someone, still don’t know him/her. Knowing someone can be very subjective. You know how he would react to situations, what he would do or say, in a given situation. But do you know him?

“I never said this to him because I knew what he would say”.
“I know her… she was never like this”
“I know he’s doing this because he never loved me”

What is this? Do we really know the people we love? Or is it just a comfort zone we have entered? Where we think we know him/her. How he talks, walks, behaves etc.
We say to ourselves that, this is it. I know this person now.
I know the thought is very random and I know no one will like it. Because I know no one.

Wrong is right

Last night a thief broke into one of the vacant flats in my housing society. He was caught standing at the parapet of the seventh floor, 20 people waiting down to beat him up, 10 on the terrace, trying to strike a conversation with him and coax him to come up.
After good 40mins of coaxing the young lad decided to climb up to the terrace, on one promise made to him by a middle aged man from the terrace that he wouldn’t be beaten up. The moment he landed on the terrace he heard these words.
Haath baandh do sale ke.
Kyun be kutte?
Chori karne aaya thha?
Chal neeche chal haraami.
I was a mute spectator of all this but when, exactly after 10 minutes of his surrender, 40 men gathered around him to teach him a lesson, I decided I will talk to them.
What followed is defined by my set of rights and wrongs. They need not be similar to any one else’s.

Right: He was coaxed into not jumping from there and surrendering.
Wrong: Promise made to him that he won’t be beaten up.
Right: What if he had broken into my house or hurt someone I love?
Wrong: Setting an example for others.
Right: I said, “Police ka kaam aap kyun kar rahe ho?”
Wrong: Someone in the mob, “Police nahi karti issi liye”
Wrong: Beat him up but make sure he doesn’t bleed.
Wrong: 20 people beating up an unarmed man.
Wrong: Khoon bhi nikalega to kya? Kisne maara kya pata chalega?
Wrong: If we beat him up then he wouldn’t break into someone else’s house. Ever.
I was the only one shouting on top of my voice. I was the only one who looked like a fool when 40 other men thought what they were doing was right. I was the only one who thought there’s some law and order that was in place. I gave up and came back to my house. Pushed and lost.
This is the Roadies generation. The ‘no-nonsense’, ‘brave’ and ‘ready-to-take-on-the-entire-world-single handedly’ generation.
Raghu in a Roadies episode (to a contestant): You have written in your form that you want to help the country and help the needy. What have you done till date?
Contestant: Abhi tak to kuchh kiya nahi hai…
Raghu (angrily): Dekha? Yehi to problem hai iss generation ki.
In a separate incident, Raghu: I don’t know what affect we must be having on these kids.
If you don’t know then fu*^%$# do it. Why you doing it? TRPs right!
Well that was the angst. But please welcome the Roadies generation of youth in India.
They set an example. They are game to kill for the right reasons. They are ready to punish the wrong. And they say they are right.

Wrong is the new right.

State of mind

This is my state of mind.

I have been telling myself that I always wanted to be an actor, like millions of other aspiring models. Some foolishness inside me told me that I am better than them. And after winning a reality show for actors, at a regional level my faith was refreshed, in myself. Well that brought me to Mumbai. I met reality here. I met someone called 'Me' here. He seemed to be nice, friendly, open, way too optimistic and ambitious to me. But he was a fool... he believed in dreams. He believed dreams come true.

Well soon i met 'Me' and made him a part of me. We both began to co-exist. We became one.

But I cant understand what's going on in my mind right now.

Books I am currently reading – The devil and miss prym – Paulo Coelho

Red earth and pouring rain – Vikram Chandra

Screenplay – Syd Field

Harry Potter – The order of the Phoenix – You know who

The great indian novel – Shashi tharoor

The age of Shiva – Manil Suri (Just started)

Books I am currently writing – Gods Dont Lie – Writing the second draft

Him – Just 4 chapters on paper

5 Years later – Just 2 chapters on paper

I have a regular 10 to 6 (actually 12 to 8) job at a Radio Station, (I am a writer there), plus I am writing 3 daily non-fiction TV shows (all currently on-air), high society sangeet scripts and some articles for a newspaper (on & off).

I have been very irregular on the blog though. Coz i suddenly realized there are only 24 hrs in a day.

Thats not the point though. It feels like I am not writing. Feels like I am not doing enough. Feels like I can do much more than this.

I want to help someone live a better life. I want to heal the wounds I have caused, also the ones I havent. I want to touch someone's life, in a way no one has ever done before.

I want to make a difference to someone's life.

These are the things I want to do.

Materialistically speaking, I want to do advertising. I want to win awards. I want to put myself in a situation that I cant handle.

I dont know why I am so ruthless with myself. I dont know why I want to push myself into something that I cant do, or i believe I cant do.

Is it beacuse I was immobile for 2 years (due to an accident)? Is it because I think I started too late in life? Is it because everyone around me knew it was not possible?

Why do I have to prove a point? Always. I have to prove someone wrong all the time. Why? Is it just a state of mind? Or a state of existence?

Why do I remember that the empty cold drink can, lying on the ground last night, was moving from left to right, and not right to left? Why do I remember the folds in the aluminium foil of a friends lunch box? Why do I remember the way I folded the morning newspaper yesterday? Why?
Is there a reason why I feel the hollow in my writing?

Am I making up for the lost time? Is this permanent? Is this a state of mind?