Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I have been good this year because i have been bad.

I have hurt people... myself... i have strained some more relationships... succumbed to expectations... never risen to other people's expectation.

I did my own thing... in a wrong way... calculated right or wrong from my point of view... reached a conclusion, again, from my point of view... i have made people cry... i have made them fall in love with me, just for the kicks of it...

This year I had conversations with people, just to prove them wrong... just to put my point across... harshly...

I hated, resented, hurt, over and over, again and again... broke promises... went back on my words... lied... to others... to myself.

I faked tears, happiness, emotions,... I borrowed... emotions, thoughts, life.

Dear Santa... I have been good this year because I know, I have been bad.

I have a problem

I have a problem.

I don’t have eyes… I have 2 cameras instead. Don’t know what megapixel, but unlimited memory. I don’t think mankind has invented cameras like this.

It has a video recorder and superb sound playback system too. It does take pictures (don’t know in which format though) and whenever I try to connect its memory card to the computer… the memory card crashes. I think there is some sort of a mismatch between their formats.

I think both the cameras record pictures in JPEG format and videos in MPEG format. The videos have sub-files recorded in AVSEQ format. And the only format my computer supports is DOC, that’s the reason why I can never capture anything from that camera to my computer.

There is an automatic deletion process in the 2 cameras. The picture gets deleted automatically if there isn’t space on the disc for a new one.

Today I took a beautiful picture of a spider being killed by the pressure of the water coming from a hand shower. The dark brown colored spider was dumbstruck by what hit him. Minutes after the first blast it tried to get up again, only to face another one. This one was fatal.

The picture was taken milliseconds after the second blast. The spider had succumbed to its fate. Death. The way his hands curled… to form his non-existent body… the way he gave up was shattering.

Sometimes, there’s no second chance. Sometimes, there’s no second blast. Sometimes, you wish, there wasn’t a second chance. And a second failure.

When you face death, you see life. The way you’ve never seen it before. Sometimes.

The next picture on the camera was of the spider’s dead body… moving slowly with the flow…

Milliseconds make moments. They destroy them too.

See, I am failing. Yet again. I want technology to connect the 2 cameras to my computer. I want a format that’s universal.

I want these pictures to talk, not fumble.