God, I am a human being

Yes I am a human being. Yes I am a human being.

I err. I really don’t know what’s right or wrong.

Sometimes, like every human being, I feel like God. I begin to think and believe that everything is in my control. My decisions can change lives. Sometimes, they do. That makes my faith even stronger. But, then I feel pain.

That’s not divine. God doesn’t feel pain. Then I look for a justification for this pain, and when I don’t find any, I cry. Like a human being.

But sometimes I don’t cry, because the tears seem to be too lazy. As a kid, I always used to think that crying in the night is very dark. I hate dark thoughts. But I want to cry. It’s an expression. And an expression is a form of energy, and energy is always supposed to be released.

Then suddenly I feel weak. Because I cant rule over my mind and my body. I can’t cry even when I really want to. So, I feel weak. Helpless. Like a human being.

I like to think that I am an adult… a sensible, mature adult. But, when I sleep, I curl up like a small baby, yearning for his mother’s warmth. But there’s no mother. I am an adult. Adults are supposed to father. Not mothered. Adults are supposed to handle situations on their own. They are supposed to offer solutions to everyone around.

I look for a hand to hold. Like a human being. But, there’s none. I feel lonely. I want to cry. I want to cry.

Why do all the right things happen at a wrong time?

When you want to be a human being, God wants you to be him, and decide what’s right or wrong. When you decide, he proves you wrong. He proves, that he’s God, and you can’t be him.

But, this time I have made a decision.

YES I AM A HUMAN BEING. Now, God, prove me wrong!